here’s my number, so please oh god don’t call i hate talking on the phone send me a text if you need me and don’t get mad if it takes me a few hours to respond maybe
- Lily Allen music: *happy go lucky melody with fairies in the background dancing with the angels of heaven*
- Lily Allen lyrics: The whole world is a dark place where no will ever escape from. Just saw an old lady get raped in London, I didn't do shit, too fuckin' bad. Everyone is on drugs and doesn't care, you all need help. You hate gay people? Well fuck you. My boyfriend has a tiny penis and it's not fair. Stop FUCKING HITTING ON ME AT THE BAR JESUS CHRIST, I HAVE AIDS OKAY?? Oh, you're 29? lmfao you're life is over bitch. You better hope a man comes along to take care of you, you're not 22 anymore. Anyone want to have some Chinese food with me?
My mom is yelling at my brother and I overheard this.
- Mom: GO TO YOUR ROOM
- Brother: that's not fair
- Mom: DO AS I SAY.
- Brother: You never send Lizzie to her room when she's in trouble!!
- Mom: Lizzie never leaves her room. If she were in trouble I'd make her sit in the living room or go outside or talk to human beings.
- Me: I CAN HEAR YOU.
(Source: santanasam)
(Source: onebluesky)
A person who doesn't have tumblr showing me something
- Them: look
- Me: I saw that already
Meeting Lady Gaga
- Gaga: Hi sweetie!
- Me:
- Gaga:
- Me:
- Gaga:
- Me:
- Gaga:
- Me:
- Gaga:
- Me:
- Police: So she just died?
- Gaga: Basically.
my favorite part of the whole show of Survivor is when Jeff pretends like he walked all the way from wherever it was to the live finale show and he wears the same clothes and everything.
when I was a kid, they had me fooled.
